partybarackisinthehousetonight:

*cops knock on door* “open up the door we smell marijuana” WHOEVER SMELT IT DEALT IT i scream at the door. *long pause* *police apologize* *muffled sound of handcuffs clicking outside*

bellig-on-the-reg:

tforge13:

wordssetinstony:

tricksterkids:

cadegrey:

mjwatson:

i don’t really understand where penises go when boys wear pants

sometimes to the left

sometimes to the right

sometimes up

sometimes down

sometimes painful

sometimes not

depends

take it back now y’all

One hop this time

please don’t jump on my penis

charlie brown

ilovett:

celebiii:

the-grudge-girl:

Answer Man

The Answer Man is an urban legend about a game that is played by kids in Japan. They say the game can invoke an evil spirit that will answer any question given to it.

You need:

• Ten people who each own a cell phone

Step 1: Gather ten people in a loose circle. Each person must have the cell phone number of the person to their left.

Step 2: On the count of three, each person presses the call button to contact the person on their left 

Step 3: Everyone puts their phone to their ear and listens

Because everyone is calling each other at the same time, all of the phones should be busy and nobody should receive an answer.

However, one person will find that their call is mysteriously answered and they will hear a voice on the other end of the line.

This is the Answer Man.

When you are on the phone with the Answer Man, you can ask him anything. He will answer whatever questions you choose to ask him. However, after he gives you your answer, he will have a question for you. They say that if you answer his questions incorrectly or are unable to give an answer, a large gnarled hand will appear from the phone and tear off a piece of your body.

OH MY GOD

WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF GAME IS THIS??

How do people come up with this shit? Hahaha

-source-

What fictional character(s) do I remind you of? 

eridick-amporna:

thelittleturtleduck:

Looks:
Personality:

omg someone do this please

dekutree:

judge: sir, you are being charged with distribution of child pornography, the murder of 8,000 people and purchasing an illegal drugs…what do you gotta say for yourself?

me: i activate mirror force! now you will be charged with distribution of child pornography, the murder of 8,000 people and purchasing of illegal drugs.

judge: 

My problem with tumblr's use of "queerbaiting" 

My problem with tumblr's use of "queerbaiting"

WILL SOMEONE DO THIS FUCK 

WILL SOMEONE DO THIS FUCK

chilope:

txtpostprincess:

if you’re a girl and you call everyone “bro” you need to stop because you sound unattractive and stupid

if you’re a person who thinks someone shouldn’t be allowed to use certain words because of their gender you need to stop because you sound unattractive and stupid

thatonemoonie:

I CAN’T BREATHE

amifunnyyetor:

suitsandorcleavage:

condoleezza-ricearoni:

pie-sandwich:

Insomnia

whoa

I’m bothered by how the outlet and plug don’t match

i feel like thats the point of the piece. she has insomnia so she cant “plug in” to sleeping. 

dave-vriska:

glasmond:

But sweetheart, you did not end this comic.

Here, let me help you.



The love (as well as the hate) you give will always come back to you at some point in your life.
Believe me, I know exactly what I am talking about.

THAT IS THE CUTEST RESPONSE TO THIS EVER AND IT MADE ME TEARY EYED

Oh hey, it’s me. Just posting this so the few followers who might care can see how I sound in the real world of life and stuff. Okay. (and sorry, I just really enjoy saying lines like Game Over or Fatality..it’s just fun)